Marvel Western
Poem draft. Comments and criticisms?
But the white light spring pearl petals fly in another fall. There in the mist West Long light glowing above the cliffs asleep, you reminded me of a young bird fell, and I held you in my hands like a sparrow, stunned amazed how quickly you fell after your grass, the Directorate of shaking everything away, without moving at all, in lots of petals same frayed pink feathers. They say even now you rot, all the castaways of a sea of green leaf sinking into the ocean, you become.
I read that [the fire] yet white pearl petals spring, in other words, "again" refers to the white light, So I find no conflict "float". I would say that you remove "as" the first verse last line. It's personal, as I do no comparisons, and it would also shorten the line. second to third line ~ ~ a little difficult but I think I know what you are trying to express. If that my poem, I would reword completely. I have a bit of a problem with "~ It is said, also" all "in the sixth line of the second verse. Maybe something like this: "Even now that you are rotten, shipwrecked in a sea green blade" I am what you can do this better, as my first line is pretty short. For a rough draft, I like it, it's very visual for me.
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